


Dirty Sonnets

by Shayheyred



Category: Shakespeare Sonnets
Genre: Humor, Iambic Pentameter, M/M, Meta, Parody, Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 15:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shayheyred/pseuds/Shayheyred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A random collection of fandom tropes written in the Shakespearean style</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Sonnets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [doll_revolution](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doll_revolution/gifts), [lynnmonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynnmonster/gifts), [mrsronweasley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsronweasley/gifts), [mistresscurvy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistresscurvy/gifts).



I. On Anal Sex

 _To a Rosebud_

Thou turn'st thy back to me; might this be ire?  
Yet on thy face is naught but raw desire.  
So bare and flushed thou art – Oh loins, arise,  
Make haste to nestle twixt those dewy thighs!

But now thou turn’st again, and wag’st apace,  
Inviting me to thy most secret place.  
Enchanting furl! Oh rosebud, most divine!  
How thy pink center doth enchant mine eyne!

Ah, how I long to seat myself within,  
And cool my ardor in thy heated skin.  
And yet I'll take thee slowly, never quick,  
Forebearance! cry I, to my raging prick.

Thus, sated, here we lie as ardor lingers,  
Much as thy scent doth on my sullied fingers.

* * *

II. On Mpreg

 _To A Lover Upon the Revealing of a Great Wonder_

Thy dull surprise, that fair split me in twain  
Hath brought to me more than a tender rear;  
Our ardor ends perplexingly, I fear,  
With waves of nausea and a rhythmic pain.

When first we coupled, thou wast tender, quite;  
Gently didst thou thrust thyself inside.  
I felt thy heat and so enjoyed the ride,  
But now I suffer pain throughout the night.

But what is this? O god of maidens! Help!  
What giant object seeks to rip me so?  
I lack a woman's parts, and do not know  
How this may be. Have I brought forth a whelp?

I must conclude, therefore, that men must do  
That which you fanfic writers wish us to.


End file.
